Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
