So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
