We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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