I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
