last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
