DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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