can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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