i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
