I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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