May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
