When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
