1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she told me i tasted like america
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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