my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
