it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
