I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
