So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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