I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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