my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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