from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
