Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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