I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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