i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
