Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize