I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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