this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
