I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
