life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
