My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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