you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
