The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
