yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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