what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
there's paper in my vomit.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
