I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
