Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize