I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
