fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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