i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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