My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
