I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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