I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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