i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
