She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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