I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
