I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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