dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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