Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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