Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
