ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
