I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
