I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
