escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
