My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
