apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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