I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
