Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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