just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
