I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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