Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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