WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
