So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
