Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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