Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
