thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
