RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
