dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
