i think my tv is drunk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Holy sore nipples Batman
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
