I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
