im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
