do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
