u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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