dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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