U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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