JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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